July | 2011 | True Story

{July 17, 2011} Search terms

True Story: People are nuts.

I like to read the search terms people use sometimes to see how they end up at my blog. Today I read this one:

young married women sex with her little nephew accidentally real story

What is wrong with people?

Most of the time I find these funny, but this one was a little disturbing to me.

Let’s think about all that is wrong with this situation.

“young married women”. This group of words suggests many women have this problem of accidentally sleeping with their little nephews. Maybe these women are getting married too young and not old enough to avoid accidental sex.

“Little nephew”. How little, comes to my mind. Excuse me while I go vomit.

“accidentally real story”. First of all, is it possible to have sex accidentally? Was it dark, and she thought her little nephew was someone else? Or were they playing naked hide and seek and accidentally ran into each other? I’m just trying to work through this.

“Real Story”, as opposed to making something cool like that up.

True Story: I will spare you the other search terms I have found on my blog that are even more disturbing. If you can imagine that.

{July 14, 2011} Online Dating part Deux

True Story: Really?

New observations:

1) All men online are looking for their soul mate, princess, or someone to treat like a queen.

Really? Puke. Are they sure that’s not just what they think we want to hear.

2) All men are bald.

I do not have a problem with baldness at all. Find it sexy on many men. I just didn’t realize that every man in America was bald.

3) You can be talking with someone and getting along and they just disappear. Like gone. Account deleted.

This can only lead me to believe wife or girlfriend caught them online. I’m not jaded or anything, right?

4) I appreciate humor online, and even find the ridiculously honest/vulgar guys funny.

Examples:

A. user names: LoveBigBoobsDD, BushMaster (Really?), and BlueOrbitals…

The best is the guys only looking for “intimate encounters” whose marital status is “Married”…

Really? I thought that’s why they made bars. Seems like a lot of work to create an online profile just for that.

True Story: Heard from a guy whose profile said:

interests: Sex

First date idea: Anything where we end up with your legs in the air.

Hahahahaha. You guys should try this just for fun.

{July 7, 2011} Film Festivals

True Story: I have been on tour this year as a guest filmmaker screening Prairie Love.

Why I love Film Festivals:

1) You meet the most amazing, colorful, passionate people.

Filmmakers are the only group of people in the world that will work 3 jobs, refuse to get a “real” job, max out credit cards, and alienate friends and family to create something that may or may not reach an audience, and will most likely cause them to lose money and/or something else important.

2) You get to go to really awesome places.

This year I have been to Park City, UT; Oxford, MS; Ashland, OR; Newport Beach, CA; and Little Rock, AK.

I have had Oregon Pinot Noirs, celeb watched in Park City, dropped a hundo at Oxford Books, experienced real housewives of Orange County, and toured the Arkansas River on a music and booze filled river boat. Did I mention it is only July?

3) You get to see Kickass movies that you don’t always have an opportunity to see through other venues.

INDEPENDENT, meaning we found our on money to make this movie, so eff off. We can make it about whatever floats our boat. Whether it be an experimental short, a documentary about a subject matter that fascinates us, or explore the boundaries of narrative filmmaking, we can, and do make these movies.

Probably not, but a film festival may be the only place you can catch a movie with the title: CoDependent Lesbian Space Alien Seeks Same.

Just saying.

Why I hate Film Festivals:

1) I have to get a liver transplant every time I get home from a fest.

The only thing filmmakers like more than their coffee and Red Bull is booze. And man do film festival coordinators know this. They make sure that you have a lounge to hang in all day to drink beer and talk with other filmmakers, a happy hour usually starting somewhere around 4pm and of course, a cocktail party in the evening. Thank goodness I have had some practice in this department. I would hate to disappoint my fellow filmmakers.

2) I have to wash my mouth out with soap.

Every time I get home from a fest I am talking like a sailor or a trucker, or a filmmaker in front of my son. Conversations go like this at film festivals:

FM # 1: I f*cking hated your movie.

FM # 2: That’s f*cking awesome. Why?

FM # 1: Because it was so f*cking good.

FM # 2: F*ck yeah!

3) I miss all my besties that I make.

I make besties at every festival. Which is awesome, because I like people, especially crazy people. And because I have friends all over the country, my facebook friends are an amazing variety of real estate clients, conservative southerners, artists, liberals, and more. I never get bored on facebook.

Also, I may work with many of these talented individuals in the future. Can you have too many friends? I think not.

True Story: I am not so sure that festival directors, coordinators, and volunteers feel the same about me as I do about them. I think sometimes they are ready to see “Alabama” go home.

Too bad. I’m coming back!