True Story











{May 30, 2011}   Adventures in Online Dating

True Story:  I have been separated (now Divorced) for exactly 1 year this weekend. I have not had 1 date yet.

I live in a resort community with about 5,000 permanent residents. So, there are about 4 guys to date and all my friends have already dated them. Some friends suggested some dating websites they have had luck with.

Myself, a firm believer in casting a wide net, decide this seems a logical way to approach possibly getting a dinner date here in 2011.

This is what I have learned so far:

1) There are some freaks out there… I know, no news here.

2)  The only people who are attracted to me and message me, scare me.

3)  Fellas, please don’t message me if

A) Your profile picture is of you with a snake around your neck.

True Story:  This happened.

B)  You have 20 pictures of you leaned up against your motorcycle.

True Story:  I don’t enjoy emergency rooms.

C)  Your profile picture is your arms configured in a way that reveals the deep language of your dead language tattoo.

True Story:  I don’t mind a few tattoos, but some day you will be a saggy old man. Just saying.

I am just beginning with this business so should have plenty of stories to blog about soon.

True Story:  It’s all fun and games online. Then, when someone has asked me to meet in person, my reaction has been to rip the computer out of the wall. DELETE. Get a new account.

Maybe I’m not ready to date yet.

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{May 25, 2011}   Sorry. It could be fine

True Story:  Well, it could be…

“Sorry, it could be fine,” is G Monkey’s latest phrase and answer whenever I say, “please be careful”.

Examples:

1) Me:  Monkey please stop jumping around with that knife in your hand.

G Monkey:  Sorry. It could be fine.

Me:  Yes, it could be. But it could also be tragic. Do you like stitches and needles?

2) Me:  Please don’t stuff that much food in your mouth.

G Monkey:  Sorry. It could be fine.

3) Me:  You don’t need to pee outside every time the dog does.

G Monkey:  Sorry, it could be fine.

Once again I think this is a wonderful phrase to adopt in my life.

Examples:

1)  Officer:  Ma’am, do you know why I pulled you over?

Me:  Sorry. It could be fine.

2)  Doctor:  Ashley, you are just coming in now???

Me:  Sorry. It could be fine.

3)  Me:  Oh, I forgot to tell you guys, I got married again.

Family:  What?!?!

Me:  Sorry, it could be fine.

True Story:  It really could be fine you guys. Take a hint from the unabashedly, wonderfully, ignorant and hopeful.  Think positively. It could be fine.



{May 16, 2011}   Life

True Story:  Took Over!

Friends, Fans, so sorry I have neglected my silly life stories.

Since January I have gone to at least  1 film festival a month, sold a bunch of dang real estate, an unexpected move, oh yeah, and that kid I got.

But I promise I have made lots of memories along the way to blog about. Please stay tuned and spread the word.

In the mean time I am posting oldies but goodies on my Facebook page. Please like the page if you haven’t already.

http://www.facebook.com/home.php#!/pages/Ashleys-True-Story/190122361008030

Yours forever,

True Story:  My new place doesn’t have a dishwasher… WTF???



et cetera