True Story

{August 18, 2010}   Camp Letters 3.0

True Story:  Camp Rules. School Sucks.

In honor of summer (Oil Spill 2010) winding down, I thought I would give the final edition of Letters from Camp.

Hello Mother. Hello Father…. Remember that commercial?

Letter # 1:  Dear Mom,

What’s ^ Having lots of fun! It’s like I have already been here a month. My friends this year are Margaret, Shelly, Marie, and Niel who’s not in my cabin. All of them were here last year except Marie. I think Niel and I are going to do a gymnastics routine. But I only have one costume. I was wondering if you could mail me Annsley’s because it’s this Saturday. You need to send me a toothbrush. Today was tryout day. It was fun. I think I did good on horseback. I’ll find out tomorrow. My first elective is archery. That’s my favorite. Tonight we have courts. Having fun.


True Story:  I have re-connected with Shelley lately. We are both realtors and ran into each other at an open house. Good times.

Did my Mom not pack me a toothbrush or did I drop it in the shower room watching the counselors, and trying to figure out if I would ever get boobs?

True Story:  Be careful what you wish for. Certified Double D since puberty. Awesomeness…

I probably mailed this on a Friday asking for the costume to be delivered by Saturday.

Were my thoughts as short as my sentences on my post cards? Today was tryout. It was fun.I hope I was a little deeper, but most likely that was how my conversations went as well.

Letter #2:  Hey,

Why haven’t y’all written? I’m having a great time! I’m in wranglers that’s a big move from doods. Today was long pants day. I’m missing the JC campfire AGAIN this year!

Love ya, Ashley

I got like 1 letter to everybody else’s 20. I had to miss something almost every year for a dive meet, apparently the JC Campfire.

Letter #3:  Dear Mom,

I got a package from Annsley, it was a diary! Oh! Mom I need some stamps & envelopes! Could you  send me some string for bracelets! Pretty colors! I miss you got to go bye!

Love ya!  Ashley

I’m still yelling everything!!!

Letter #4:  Dear Mom,

Thanks for the string. I love the colors! Guess what! I got to be in the Queen’s court from my cabin (yeah!). Tonight is campout, we’re  going to have fun! Love ya! Got to go! PS! I got 1st in the diving meet here and 2nd in the swim meet.  Ashley

True Story:  A few years ago I was leaned against my car pumping gas. A pair of twin sisters about my age were in a mini van at the pump next to mine. They were getting children in and out of the car. I thought they looked familiar. So, me never a shy one, says, “Hey, do we know each other?” They both go, “Camp Mac. You’re the diver.”

That was about the extent of our conversation. Hey, I’m famous.

Letter #5:  Hey Blair,

What’s up. Oh, I forgot I’m supposed to write in PRINT. You better write me. I’m having fun! Tonight we’re having a dance. We did horseback today. I’m going to pick you and Laura out a boyfriend! Tell Laura I’ll write her tomorrow. Bye Bye! Love ya! Ashley

Such a sweet, condescending older sister I am, “Oh wait. You can’t read cursive, I better print”. Let me know if any first and second graders out there need me to pick out a boyfriend for them, or buy them some condoms.

Letter # 6:  Dear Mom,

I hope y’all have fun at six flags! Yes I got your 2 packages! At the camp out me and some other friends got 10 minutes off rec hall for talking and laughing after chimes! I’m so glad Patrick’s home! How much longer after camp do I have till school starts? Well got to go! Bye! PS! Today is lazy day. Love ya! Ashley

I ratted myself out.

 Camp Letter # 7:  Dear Mom,

Lazy day was great. Party last night was so fun! I was nervous about being in the court! Did you ever get queen or anything? Today is Sunday! And we’re fixing to go to church! Just one more week and I’ll be home! Did y’all have a fun time at six flags? Well got to go. Love you, Ashley

I was trying to one-up my Mom cause I got in the Queen’s court, but I think she was like queen of the whole damn camp when she was there. Camp Mac is a tradition in my family.

I was apparently very excited that it was Sunday. Nothing like church barefoot in the woods… Wait a minute… That makes us sound like snake handlers.

I don’t think they were as excited about me coming home in a week as I was. Our babysitter, Annie, called me “Radio Mouth” and “Mouth of the South”. I’m sure it was a nice quiet month when I was at Camp.

Camp Letter #8:  Hi, I got your letter, it was nice but, I need you to do me a favor, send me some stamps please and Dad’s address! Tell Blair and Laura that I sent them a letter but it probably won’t get there until I get back. I’m glad they like their swimming lessons. How is everything at home. Camp is very FUN! I did a lot of things today. But, it rained yesterday and today. It was still fun. I am in the canoeing club. I had to hold the paddle with my nose and say I love canoeing 3 times. I was laughing so hard I could hardly do it. We were going to camp out tonight, but it rained and we’re going to have our skit and talent. I am about to run out of room. Love you, Ashley

Whew! That was a long one. I was getting a little chatty. Thanks for thinking of me and writing me but please send some Bleeping stamps! Did I not bring anyone’s address with me to camp???

See attached picture. My writing is all slanted and I wrote that I was running out of room in tiny script in the corner. Genius right here, people.

camp letter 7

Camp Letter # 9:  Dear Mom,

I got your letter. I read the whole newspaper clipping! I am studying for my basic rescue test right now! Tonight we’re going to have the play Oklahoma! Guess what? I passed off expert on tramps! Got to Go! Love ya! I miss you, Ashley

 True Story:  Good times. Send your kids to Camp. It builds character and gets em outa yo hair.

{July 1, 2010}   5th Grade Yearbook

True Story:  Kids say the darndest things:

Entry # 1 Circa 1986

To a crazy and sweet friend. You are very nice to me. So, therefore I will be nice to you. Good luck throughout all the years.



Have fun with Archie

5th grade rules:  You scratch my back, I’ll scratch yours.

Archie must have been my main squeeze for a while.

 Entry # 2

To a good friend that I would like to play tennis with again.



Sure, anytime.

Entry # 3

To a crazy and wild friend. Ha Ha. Your someone to talk to. Be nice if you can. Ha Ha. Good luck.


Entry #4


Like you wrote in my annual you’ve been a friend all year. You’ve even cheated with me. Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! Ha! No I don’t really cheat, just on daily work. Like you said, you probably won’t get out of here alive. Well bye!


LYLAS – for those of you that don’t know, means “Love Ya Like A Sister”. Apparently 5th grade was so traumatic, I didn’t think I would get out of there alive. I clearly didn’t know anything about cancer, oil spills, or toddlers with stomach bugs…

Entry # 5

To a very sexy girl.


WTF??? People, this is what your 5th graders are talking about. And this was before the internet and/or sexting.

Entry# 6


Good luck with the guys. Ha Ha.


Where is she now??? I need help .

Entry #7

To a good friend that don’t tell my secrets at ALL and I thank you.

Love, JR

I still can keep other people’s secrets, just not my own. Case in point, this blog.

Entry #8

Have fun! You’re so sexy! I love you!


Again, WTF??? How can a 5th grader be sexy? I didn’t even go through puberty till 7th grade.

Entry # 9

To a nerdy girl.


Some things never change.

Entry # 10

To a weirdo.


Love it!

Entry # 11


You’re awesome! Stay that way!.

Love ya, Awesome Ash!

I wrote that to myself. Healthy, healthy, self-esteem. Again, nobody changes.

Entry# 12

Call me 555-5555


Entry # 13

To the best sexiest woman I have ever seen till Brandie. I still think she looks hotter in the yearbook. And I hope that I pass. Because if I do, I hope to be in the same class next year.

Love, S – The Best

Brandie, that b*tch. I might have been hanging out with the wrong crowd. Thoughts?

Entry # 13

To my Best friend, I will always remember you. Write me sometime. I’ll write you! See you whenever. Talk to you later!


I’m getting mixed signals here.

Entry # 14

To a great, hey, wait everybody’s been saying that. I know we’ve had our share of fights. But I still think we are the best 2 of friends that could be. Remember, you can always lean on me! Ha Ha! (the song). See you next year.

Sweet S

She tried to beat me up on a daily basis after writing this.

Entry # 15

Ashley, this is in 1990.


That would be my youngest sister meddling in my beeswax. Probably in my room when she wasn’t supposed to be.

Entry # 16

The feeling is mutual. You’re a butthole, but you are okay.


I guess I started it.

And Finally Entry # 17

To Awesome girl Ash,

N – Lover Boy – N

True Story:  I had forgotten how dirty minded 5th grade boys are. It all comes full circle. I should have learned back then not to mess with them.

I only found this yearbook and was able to reminisce because it was in a stack of books and things returned to me recently, after I had piled ALL of Ex-Pump’s things outside and said, “better get it all before it rains”.

Some girls never learn.

{April 28, 2010}   Camp Letters Deuce

True Story:  As these nights get warmer and I have to shave my legs, I am taken back to my Camp days where I learned this dreaded task. 

Camp Letter #1

 Dear Mom,

Guess what! I went to the nurse yesterday! And I have poison ivy! Having a great time! Send me Meme’s address! Tell everyone hi!

Love ya!

I SCREAMED everything in my letters.

Camp Letter #2

July 22, 1986

Dear Mom,

The girls in my cabin are friendly! I love horseback. I had the best horse his name was Napoleon! Tennis was pretty fun too! Rechall is tonight I can’t wait! Last night we had courts, we played Nucome, we won 2 games and lost 2 games! Theirs a girl in my cabin named Niel, who is in class 2 gymnastics! Guess what my poison ivy is drying up! (thank goodness) Well tell everyone hi! Write soon! Love ya!

Camp Letter #3

Dear Mom,

As you probably know we have to write these! My poison ivy is really drying up now! Rec hall is tonight! We had our first cookout last night! I’m looking forward to seeing you in Florence!

I love you,

Camp Letter #4

 Dear Mom,

Blair says I haven’t written. I’ve written you three letters! I’m glad ya’ll had a good time at the lake wish I were their! I’ve used my beam a lot! I’m doing a lot of activities I had a lot of fun at Rec Hall and today I’m going to try out for talent night! (yeah!) I still have poison ivy! (Boo!) I skied today (on two) Tomorrow I’m going to ski on 1! In horseback I’m in DUDES-But in swimming I’m in basic rescue! I hope ya’ll have a wonderful time at Six Flags! I miss ya’ll! Tell everyone hi! And tell Blair I’m trying to write!


I love you,

My skilled use of there, their, & they’re had not peaked yet.

Camp Letter #5

Dear Mom,

I’ve written you everyday and you only gotten one letter, something must be wrong with mail. Blair and Laura make me jelus! I want some high top tennis shoes! I got Patrick & Sissy’s letter! Where am I going to practice diving? Tell Jim I hope he does well in the Golf turnament!

Love ya!

PS: Write soon. Tonight at Vespers we have to sing!

Did I really think the answers to my questions were going to be answered in a timely manner. Oh, to be back in the days where high top tennis shoes were a priority. Thank  you Lord for spell check today!

Camp Letter #6

Dear Mom,

I ment to write you yesterday but we had big inspection! today we switched CIT’s! Now we have Brooke instead of Meg! Last night we had Saturday night special! Half free courts and half rec hall! Tonight we have movie night, We’re seeing Hopscotch! Well! Got to go Bye!!

Having fun,

PS: I love you

Bye! Like someone was going to hollar it right back to me.

Camp Letter #7

Dear mom,

I’m having a great time! Tonight we have fifty’s night it’s going to be fun! Today we went to Salt Creek falls! We had fun I took a lot of pictures! Love ya! Got to go! Bye

Camp Letter #8

Dear mom,

I love the shoes. Today is August the 4th. We had to where read , white, and blue. It was also redneck day at arts and crafts. This week my elective is fishing. I didn’t catch any fish. Tonight is college night. Tomorrow I’m leaving. I’ll see you later! Love y’all!

(Signed) Awesome  (Healthy self-confidence, I had) – Actually referred to myself as awesome.

True Story: Napoleon was a short, squat horse you might have guessed. I got my high tops, you might have guessed.

{February 26, 2010}   I’ve always been a great writer

True Story:  I LOVED Camp

I was ready to move out of the house and get my own apartment when I was 2. Always independent. So, of course, I couldn’t wait to go to camp every year.

Camp Mac wouldn’t accept you until you were nine, but we found a camp that would take me at 7, so I didn’t have to wait the gruelling 2 more years to fly the coop for a month each summer. Camp Mac is the bomb!

The picture to the left is an example of the beautiful letters I sent home every year.

Camp letter #1

Dear Mom, I am having a great time at Camp Cosby. I’m going sking, I sure can’t wait. we have archery, it’s real fun. you did not sighn the part about mini bikes but they let me go. Ashley

P.S. I love you

I was sometimes taken out of camp for a diving or gymnastics meet for about 24 hours. Apparently, once I got back to camp I needed to update my parents about what went on at the sporting event, because total strangers picked me up from Camp and returned me. WTF?

Camp Letter #2


Hey, What’s happening in Jasper? I got a gold on the low board and a fourth on the high board. Instead of missing campfire I missed rec hall cause of the rain. I got a boyfriend his name is Todd. Ashley

Love ya’ll

It’s important to have a healthy ego when young. I don’t think I was lacking. You also need to exclaim! every sentence in a letter home so your family “get’s it”.

Camp letter #3

Dear Mom, This will be your last letter, we’re having our basic rescue written test! I want to come back next year to Camp! I hope I get a lot of awards on award night! Campfire’s tomorrow night!

Love ya, Ashley

Camp Letter #4

Send me some embroidery string please! Ashley

I think I expected my family members to answer my questions telepathically.

Camp Letter #5

Hey ya’ll, What are you doing? Tonight’s college night I’m wearing my alabama boxers!  See ya’ll


My family never sent me any packages. It sucked! All my camp friends would get packages every other day. I would specifically request packages with forbidden gum & candy taped to the pages of magazines. By the time anyone got around to sending me one, it was time to go home.

In the letter below I am now appealing to my 5 years younger sister assuming she can read, AND go to the store to purchase the products I need and mail them.

Camp Letter #6

Hey L, Sorry the writing so sloppy but I jamed my fingure really bad playing tetherball. What have you been doing? When are ya’ll gone to write? Send me a toothbrush. I’m having a great time. We had rechall last night. (a dance) Send me some stamps please. I don’t want to get taken out of camp! Love ya!


Camp Letter #7


Hey ya’ll, My fingers better but still can’t be in talent night cause it’s tonight. I was just drinking out of my canteen. See I’m a wrangler so on long pants day we’re the last people into lunch cause we got to put up the horses. so theres no counsliers and we fill are canteen up with cool-ade! mom will you send me some cool-ade paks (please)! Havin fun! See ya’ll. Love,


Camp Letter #9


Mom, What’s happening in Jasper? Yesterday was fun it was Sunday. Tonight is Senior college night. I think we have courts. I’m having so much fun! Last night was movie night. Tell P that I told everyone he knew hi! And everybody said he was so good-looking. I have the same problem everybody thinks I’m good-looking too! Ha ha just kidding. Send me a package.  Ashley

I cherish these memories. I hope my son will have as much fun as I did. More camp letters later…

et cetera