True Story

{October 14, 2010}   D Day and Baby Steps

True Story:  I signed my divorce papers October 6.

Not final, but none the less, a moment to remember? Forget?

Anyone who has done that knows it is a very bittersweet moment, filled with mixed emotions, and forces you to step into reality.

True Story:  It wasn’t the plan… But it will be okay.

New Nicknames:  Dee Vors Say… Solo Rider… Puma? (Pre-Cougar). It better be Puma. If I’m a Cougar already I’ll jump off the Ono Island Bridge. (About 20 feet for you non-locals).

So, for the roughly 6 months that I have been officially separated from Ex-Pump, I have had zero desire WHAT SO EVER, for the opposite sex. Could care a less about them. Don’t even see them.

A friend offered that I should switch teams… PA- Leeze, I get on my own nerves so bad, ain’t no way I’d date another woman… She’d be calling me all the time… Bitchen.. No Ma’am!

True Story:  I find myself taking baby steps.

The other day I dropped G Monkey off at preschool and “Hot Dad” held the door open for me. That’s right. I said it, Hot Dad.

I just noticed him for the first time… HOT.

I am sure he has a lovely wife… Never the less, I swaggered a bit in my skinny jeans, knowing he was walking behind me.

True Story:  I’m sailing! I’m a sailor! I sail! (What About Bob)

{October 3, 2010}   October

True Story:  My absolute favorite time of the year.


1) Birthday month… Do I need to say anything else? You other self-absorbed people know what I’m talking about.

Someone once told me you should quit making a big deal about your birthday when you are like 11. I punched him in the nose.

Naaa. Just kidding. But  I did give him a dirty look.

Birthdays are awesome! It’s YOUR day. I don’t care so much about parties or gifts, although I will send my mailing address to anyone who messages me.

What I like about birthdays is the idea that I can do WHATEVER I want. And when people look at you strange, you just say, “It’s my birthday… Eff off.”

I also like to let other people do whatever they want on their birthday, and I always encourage debauchery.

I, like many other excuse-making people I know, like to celebrate Birthday MONTH.

This concept was lost on the Ex-Pump (I am now referring to “Pump” as “Ex-Pump”. I think it is self-explanatory, and “Pump” was a term of endearment).

He, agrees with the afore-mentioned jerk that we should just treat birthdays as any other days… No Ma’am, I say!

One thing I will say is Ex-Pump was easy to treat on his birthday. All he wanted was birthday sex and to go to the movie… Done.

Me: I want to go to Italy (Never been) or something else equally fabulous. (Future posts coming on my 10/10/10 birthday treat to myself this year).

True Story:  My step dad died suddenly on my 27th birthday. Allison Dubois says those anniversaries are gifts. My grandfather died the day before my birthday. Miss you guys.

Another True Birthday Story: On my 28th birthday I got drunk with Dad and Ex-Pump. I demanded the band sing happy birthday to me. And tried to kick Ex-Pump in the parking lot. Years with 8s in them have never been my favorite.

I called my Dad the next morning and told him I had grown up a lot since I was 27.

2) The Weather.

Come to the gulf coast of Alabama in October if you like awesomeness.

3) Football

For those of you SEC (South Eastern Conference) outsiders, RMFT stands for Roll Mother F**king Tide.

4) Halloween

What’s not to like??? Candy, costumes, a reason to dress up really slutty and call it a costume. I don’t dress up every year, but when I do, it’s to bring home the prize. See attachments.

True Story:  Idiots…

Blow up DollsMichael Phelps and his life coach Dr. Phil

et cetera