True Story:  I am not that photogenic.

My Mom hates my hair. She has tried and failed repeatedly my whole life to fix it. You can’t fix it. It is what it is. You can only try to find something nice to say about it.

She had it fixed up purdy for senior portrait day. My skin, like most teenagers, could be oily at times. I don’t love my smile, and try different ones out from time to time. Wait for it… I’m setting the scene here.

I take the picture.

A few weeks later I was at the lunch table in the cafeteria eating with my friends. For those of you that don’t remember this is where a lot of social suicide goes down… in the lunchroom.

This particular day these assholes had a table set up in the back handing out preview packages of your senior portraits. I walked over, very cooly, and gave them my name. They handed me a folder containing a photo of something resembling my face. I very quickly handed it back.

The lunch table:  Where’s your picture?

Me:  Uh, not sure. I think they forgot me.

After school that day…

Me:  Mom, we got to get new senior portrait pictures made.

Mom:   Why? I’m not paying for it. (you will see this sentence a lot from my mom). They take your picture at school for free.

Me.  Uh,uh. Trust me. I’ll pay you back.

We take outside photos. I don’t love them but they are better than the alternative. I turn them in to the teacher in charge of the yearbook. He hates me. Not sure why. I was smart, a smartass, and more than once my friend and I stumbled in after partaking in beverages we were not old enough to buy. (Don’t judge. We were all teenagers and smarter than adults). 

In my high school the yearbook isn’t available until the fall of the next school year. 

Skip to my freshmen year of college. My younger sister was a freshmen at our high school. I asked her to pick up my yearbook for me.

I get a phone call one day.

B:  I picked up your yearbook.

Me: Oh, yeah?

B:   The picture…

Me:   What picture?

B:  Your senior portrait.

My stomach drops.

B:  It looks like you have been severely burned and have down syndrome.