True Story:  My sister B has been known to throw a cuss word out during a prayer or blessing.

We like to give B a hard time. She has a touch of innocence in her which makes her a great target for jokes.

When I was about 16, that would make B about 12, our Mother took she, myself, and our younger sister, LM, on a girl’s trip. We went to ride horses in TN and white-water raft.

After a long 4 hour ride into the woods the first day, Mom and LM were too saddle-sore to ride back out the next day. So, B and I had our nice country guide to ourselves who let me smoke, and both B and I cuss. Awesome!

We thought it was real funny to say over and over, “Sombitch”, as loud as we could.

B & I:  Whoo Hoo! Sombitch! Hell yeah, Sombitch!

Later that night, B and I shared a tent. We laughed and freaked each other out about the critters that were going to get us.

Then, as we settled down drifting off to sleep B sits up suddenly and says, “Oh no!” A look of shear alarm on her face.

Me:  What? What is it? A black widow?

B:  Oh no, wait (pronounced way-eet)! I’m going to go to hell.

Me: Why???

B:  I was saying my prayers and at the end I accidently said, Amen! Sombitch!

True Story:  We like to play one-handed Champagne croquet in the mountains. Who do we think we are?

My family members and I like to gather in the woods sometimes and eat, drink and be merry.

One day after a grueling match of one-handed champagne croquet (This is where you have to have a glass of champagne in one hand at all times, and your crochet mallet in the other), we were hungry and a little drunk. 

B had been hitting it pretty hard, the wine that is, and starting to get on “repeat”. This is where she tells us the exact same thing over and over and over, usually when her teeth are a little purple from the red vino. Don’t judge, we’ve all been there.

So we finally sit down to a meal that took probably 8 hours for us to pull together. (This was before we had kids). We all thought it would be funny to have B bless the food.  

A) She doesn’t say it very often and has had enough wine to volunteer; B) She’s on repeat, so this should be a good show; and C) We are mean.

B:   Dear Lord….. Thank….You…. for…. The wooooods, and the fooood…… Dear Lord……Thank … you…..

The rest of us:   Hahahahahahaaa!

B:  Oh, fuck….