True Story:  There are a few Guidelines to a safe, fun & effective Mardi Gras Parade riding experience.

1.  Go Big or go Home

What are we there for if not to dress BIG, throw BIG, shout, hollar, rock n roll and over-indulge. This is the point! Cause it’s all over Ash Wednesday.

2.  Pacing 

Pacing is important since most float riding requires consumption of massive amounts of alcohol.

True Story:  The first year I was in a Mardi Gras krewe I did not have a great understanding of this 2nd rule.

My Krewe rides in 2 parades. One begins at 10am and the other at 1:30pm. This means we have to report to the float at 7:30am. This makes for a very long day of drinking.

The only thing to drink first thing in the morning is clearly vodka. Too early for beer or wine. So, this first year I knew I was in trouble when I went to refill my drink at the end of the FIRST parade and my stash was all gone.

Obviously, our behavior rules were a little looser that first year or I would have surely been kicked out.

True Story:  I was kicked out of Brownies as a child for bad behavior. I have a history. Good thing they didn’t do a background check on me.

Back to my first parade:  So, at the end of this day, somewhere around 4pm I was spotted going tee tee in the bushes by the front door of a local restaurant as Snowbirds (northern retirees who visit us in the winter) were walking in the restaurant for early bird specials.

My other proudest moment this day was after eating in the restaurant and checking out ,my friend picked up my credit card receipt where I, a normally good tipper, had drawn little boxes on the gratuity line instead of a figure of money.

 3.  You can’t have too many throws.

For some reason, this one day out of the whole year, people HAVE to have beads, moon pies, cups, stuffed animals, candy, huggers, and what ever you have or they will die. Literally. Of course, the next day they don’t know what to do with this stuff, but you better have enough to throw. I ran out this year and had to start giving out money.

4.  Imodium

No BS, take one that morning. The “toilet” on the float is for #1 only. If you don’t follow this rule, you will be the one to dump it.

5.  No bitchn!

Put your big girl panties on and refer to rule #1. No one said riding on a float with other drunk women throwing things at screaming people was going to be a “comfortable” experience. If in doubt of whether or not you are bitchn, ask me and I’ll let you know. Whoo! Hoo!

6.  Get a babysitter, Grandma or Father to pick up the kids and care for them until Ash Wednesday.

Refer to rule#1. You can not half-ass Mardi Gras. It’s all or nothing. You will be disappointed after having so much fun the first half of the day to have to be responsible that afternoon/evening. I would also recommend not scheduling any important meeting the next morning.

True Story:  I am sure there are more guidelines that require attention here. But seeing as how today is Ash Wednesday, I’m a little foggy.

Laissez Les Bon Temps Rouler!