True Story:  This is just one of the MANY conversations about sex that I have had with my MIL (mother in law).

The first time I met my MIL I was just a potential girlfriend at the time. I must have liked Pump cause I drove over 10 hours to see him for a long weekend.

Bleary-eyed after driving so long I stopped and bought a 6 pack and a plant for my sorta-boyfriend’s mother who was so graciously letting me stay at her home.  I’m southern after all.

I walk in and she and Pump are in the kitchen. We make our introductions. Then I’m told I am staying upstairs in Pump’s room with him. Now, even though I am a grown woman, this is not what I expected. I had not been around parents that would look at me like I was crazy for thinking I would stay in my own room. We weren’t even living in sin yet.

So, that evening, Pump, myself and some of his friends go out and get a little drunk. Back at Pump’s house that night he is taking a bath. He has been sick to his stomach and now needs a bath.

True Story:  The kid takes at least 2 baths a day. I’ve never met anybody that “needs” baths as much as he does.

Anywho, he’s in the bath, and I’m sitting on the toilet talking to him. He has long eye lashes and the water is dripping off of them. I really notice his eyes for the first time.

Me:  You have pretty eyes.

Pump (drunkenly):  I know… It’s all I’ve got.

I think this is hilarious. So, the next day I am trying to make conversation with my future MIL. This is only the second time we’ve spoken. She is ironing her nursing uniform and I say, “You won’t believe what your son did last night…

She puts her iron down and looks at me with her hands on her hips.

MIL:  He tried to have sex with you, didn’t he?

Me (shocked):  Well, yes… But that’s not what I was going to tell you.

True Story:  When she talks about the first time she met me, she likes to tell large rooms full of people, that I showed up at her house with beer, a plant and I had a little skirt on, and my belly was sticking out, and I just didn’t care. I was just so confident.

True Story: I assure you, if I had known a fat roll was sticking out I wouldn’t have been so confident.