True Story:  Breast Milk is Funny. Here are 3 reasons why.

1) I once transported coolers full of a good friend’s breast milk 6 hours across state lines. I was praying to get pulled over so I could explain.

2) Pump thought lactating women were soooooooo sexy. Notice the use of the word thought.

Example:

Me:  Look at that woman?

Pump:  Why, is she lactating? Awesome.

Then… I got pregnant. All of the sudden moody, lactating women weren’t sexy anymore.

Pump:  Uh, your leaking… Gross…

Me:  I’m lactating. Isn’t it hot?

Pump:  No. That’s G Monkey’s food.

True Story:  Since the birth of our son, almost 3 years ago, I have not heard the phrase Is she lactating once. I used to hear it on a daily basis.

3)  Picture this:  Big important meeting. Discussing the purchase of millions of dollars worth of real estate. I’m on fire. I’ve got this group of men in the palm of my hand. They think I’m smart. This young woman knows what she’s talking about…

Enter:  Wet spot, spreading across my shirt in the breast area. It gets to about 6 inches in diameter before one of the very embarrassed men says something to me.

True Story:  Give me a frigging break.