True Story:  Never been a fan.

These two bi-atches that I have been friends with my whole life, know that these two species of God’s creatures are on the very bottom of my poopy list.

Many years ago when I was about 15, the three of us we were swimming in my pool at night. They were giggling over in the corner of the pool acting all suspicious. All of the sudden they jumped on me, pulled the front of my bathing suit down, and dumped a frog in there.

Me:  AAAAHHHHH! (Freaking out trying to find the little slimy thing through boobs and french fry fat rolls)

 I am shivering with disgust as I type this… Ugh… Willies.

They laughed and laughed and laughed. Meanwhile, I have been totally scarred for life. This horrible nightmare is being recalled, because last night on my back porch, a frog jumped up on the arm of my chair. I nearly had a heart attack.

True Side note:  The MIL is obsessed with all disgusting creatures.

She also thinks it’s funny to shove gross things in my face. Once at the beach she was collecting sea shells and came running up holding a quivering, gelatin form of something alive and goes, “Look what I found. It’s so cool”. She shoves it two inches from my eyeballs… I just threw up a little bit thinking about it.

This is a woman who also has a dead bug collection in her house and takes sweet little hermit crabs and pulls the bodies out and lets them dry and die, so she can keep the shells. It’s kind of like killing elephants for their tusks, on a much smaller and legal scale.

True Story:  Better her than me on the little boy fascination with gross stuff. She and G Monkey can bond about that.